Joan Rivers: Showtime's Heads Are 'Drunk' 'Bipolar' And Could Learn From The Kardashians

What gives Showtime??

Comedy icon / pastic surgery marvel, Joan Rivers , PISSED at the network airing her new stand up special, "Don't Start With Me" cuz they DEMANDED she to stop promoting it!

In her own word's Joan says (while snapping her fingers) "Excuse me, it’s my concert, Madonna taught me that."

Mz. Rivers says she was really excited about promoting the show cuz:

“I think it's the best I have ever recorded. Showtime were great, said do whatever you want. Pick any city you want, I picked Chicago. I adore Chicago. I haven’t played for four years. The feedback was great and then I noticed it was airing and I had done nothing to promote it.”

So, the grandmother of comedy took matters into her own hand and started booking appearances on talk shows to help get the word, but that didn't last long.

She explains that in a veeery odd turn of events:

“Showtime sent me a cease and desist letter telling me they didn't want me to promote it. The first time in 60 years that a network said shut the f*ck up. I think they are all crazy.

“They are all drunk over at Showtime. I think they are all bipolar. I don't care, but the sad thing is they are blowing every opportunity. I would have killed the first turkey for Thanksgiving or fed raw turkey to people in Staten Island if it had got them to tune in Thursday at 9:30 p.m.”

The former Celebrity Apprentice winner thinks the drunk and bipolar jerks running the pay-for-channle could learn a couple lessons about show biz from two Hollywood legends, Alfred Hitchcock aaaand Kim Kardashian !

She says:

“Hitchcock use to say half percent was making it and half was selling it, I have always believed that. I adore the Kardashians because of that -- why have sex if you can't get it on tape? I’m sitting around here with no underwear waiting for Showtime.”

OoOoOoh la la!!

Showtime, are you hearing this? The offer is LITERALLY on the table! HA!

We don't know WTF is up with the network, but you can be sure we'll be tuning in this Saturday to see a re-run.

[Image via WENN .]